lonely

sometimes I think that being in one room while people laugh in a nearby room is one of the loneliest feelings in the world. you cannot laugh, are not invited to laugh. if you can hear the conversation around what they are laughing about, maybe you don't even think it's funny. that's another exclusion. or maybe you do think it's funny, and start to laugh, but stop yourself because it seems a little bit like eating someone else's dinner.

other days you laugh and it's no big deal that you're in the other room. you laugh as a subversion, like singing loudly in your car to pop music when you know the guy in the suv beside you is totally watching you rock out. you laugh even when the people in the other room have stopped laughing. you laugh yourself to sleep.