sitting with a hot mug of chai tea curled up in p.j.s and a mess of blankets I watched the abc B. Walters fem. sex special last night. it was all about whether women have orgasms, how they have them, how men can help them have them, and how so few of us are getting ours.

and you know what I felt, for the first time in my whole entire sexed adult female life?

sorry for men.

that's right. I felt sorry for them. now this is coming from a girl who's taken more than her fair share of shit in the sack, and who doesn't pretend that men are often stupid, mean, objectifying and power-seeking when they get naked with a girl. and I'm also not pretending that some girls don't like it.

but we give a lot of lip service to that sad little 43% of women who have never felt the big bang (though I would never wish a lifetime of almost-there-but-not-quite on anybody), and for the remaining 57% of us who have experienced and regularly this holy grenade of pleasure I think it's time we turned our attention to the people who work so hard to get us there.

for those of us who can and do have orgasms with men (which, more than likely we earned with determined practice), we should cease taking for granted the easy machine of the male sex organ and give some back! all the men that I saw last night were so concerned with giving the woman pleasure in the specific and narrow form of orgasm, that I started to wonder when the last time they considered their own pleasure was. and I know we rely on the male ego as justification for this solipsism, but I'm not sure this is powerful enough as an argument, since it has very little to do with actual pleasure. now I understand that pleasure in one often excites pleasure in the other, but can we always assume this is the case? and if you don't believe me, how many times has your partner been experiencing lots and lots of pleasure while your mind is doing laundry or writing a paper or wondering what noise you have to make to speed this damn thing up. don't look at me like it's never happened. it's happened.

recently in a local sex column the queried advisor said to the querying woman that if she focused on getting off during sex her male partner would in turn be sexually satisfied.

WHAT????

what kind of logic asserts that if one person gets off the other person has been satisfied? isn't this the kind of logic that has kept so many women unsatisfied for centuries?

I'm not saying that women should give up pleasure in bed, not at all. I'm just saying that if we (and by we I mean both sexes) stopped being me me me all the time about everything more people would be getting off to the best sex of their freaking lives.

and (I say this for the first time) that goes for you too, missy!