as long as i don't think about anything that might lead me to think about the future, i'm a-ok. i've limited my speech almost entirely to past tense. and the occasional present, so long as it relates more to the past than to the future. as a matter of fact, i shouldn't even be using the word future. it's not healthy.
i'm mostly just happy to get through the week. it's not the best way to live, and i get by with the occasional oh look how blue the sky or make out session (sorry) or late night snack that makes me feel a little more lived, but mostly it's treading water.
and it's not that i'm unhappy at all, just out of control. out of plans. not out of snacks and not entirely out of hope but these things wane fast.
harumph.
p.s. sorry for the lineated blog of yesterblog. it's just that diluvian is such a beautiful word.