a man and a woman, newly married, set out for their honeymoon in a horse and carriage, as was the tradition way back when way back in georgia. as they're trotting along the horse stumbles. whoa, said the man, pulling the horse to a stop. he got out an pointed his finger in the horse's face. that's one, he said, and got back in the carriage with his new wife. a few minutes later the horse stumbles again. whoa, the man said again, and the horse again stopped. that's two, he warned, finger again at the horse. not but one minute after that the horse stumbled a third time. the man got out, said that's three, and shot the horse in the head.

his wife yelled, what are you doing? are you stupid? we only have one horse and you shot it and what the hell are we going to do now?

that's one, the man said.

miss mrs. taylor feagan battaglia gave birth to a little baby girl this morning.

holy manoli.

la la la sunshine.

for those unfamiliar:

a man goes to a little boy and says, boy i have a donkey would you like to buy my donkey for a dollar? and the boy says to the man, sure. and he does. he gives the man a dollar and the man retrieves his donkey, this boy's new possession, that is at least one day dead. the boy wraps a rope around the dead donkey's neck and slowly drags it home.

what in god's name are you doing with a dead donkey, his parents asked, looking out the window at the fly covered carcass on the front lawn. i have plans, the boy replied.

days passed. one day the boy's mother stops her son and says, son, where is that dead donkey you brought home with a rope around its neck? i haven't seen it all morning. i held a raffle, the boy said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

the boy had held a raffle for this many day old dead donkey, charging each entrant two dollars for the chance to win his or her very own donkey. what about the winner, his mother asked, exasperated. the boy shrugged. i gave him his money back.