To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing.

(Macbeth)

it's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day. oh oh oh.

i feel as strong as an ox. why? because for the first time in almost a year i dragged my butt out of bed, went for a short jog, worked four machines at the athletic complex, busted my ass on free weights (may not be ready for those yet), and had the foresight to check out the swimming center for what i plan on being my summer get that cellulite off my ass project.

now, i know what you're going to say. don't work out just to eliminate cellulite. no matter how embarassing it may be. well, while that may have been the impetus to hit the machines, it's not enough to sustain a three day a week routine. no siree, i want to be strong. fit. i don't want to be winded every time the damn escalator experiences technical difficulties. i want to be able to go for an all day bike ride with my baby with a picnic lunch strapped to my back and never once say i can't go any farther. i'm too tired.

i think it's funny how completely unjustified this feeling of power is. like yesterday i couldn't carry two bags of groceries to my back door but today i could carry four bags of groceries and the cart up over my head and into my kitchen. i work out for one hour (for the first time in a year) and feel like She-Ra.

"By the power and honor of Greyskull...We are the guardians!"

i need to cut my fingernails. they're growing into second fingertips, eclipsing their fleshier counterparts. ew. i know.

the rain never ends here. it's getting into my bones, my skin feels constantly damp. maybe it's to give me that "right out of the pool" feel, appropriate to my new job environment. :-) it has not, thankfully, penetrated my mood yet. i'm busy with the househunt (found a great one today, which i hope to get), and my watersuit vending. although it does inspire in me that "hot-bath-and-tea" impulse that i usually keep confined to the winter months. i think my hot bath thing extends beyond mere physical warmth though. it's transcendently comforting. maybe amniotic. i don't know. but i do know that i tend to bathe more when otherless (meaning sans boy or girl with whom to cuddle), and now that my other is in california i may be using the bath to compensate for my regular doses of affection.

i just might need to invest in that vibrating rubber duckie after all.

davide left this morning. fare thee well, davide. i will wrestle my sadness to the ground, i will triumph over the impulse to eat cookie dough ice cream all day, i will wear his green shirt to sleep.

say hello to the sunshine for me.

(from) Homo Faber. I am excluding, in this passage, every time the author uses the phrase "according to Hanna," which is about three times a sentence. He does this, I think, to ensure the readers apprehension that only a woman could say these things, that this is all very silly to him, and in no way reflects his thinking. Which is perfect, actually.

"She thought it stupid of a woman to want to be understood by a man; the man wants the woman to be a mystery, so that he can be inspired and excited by his own incomprehension. The man hears only himself, therefore the life of a woman who wants to be understood by a man must inevitably be ruined. The man sees himself as master of the world and the woman only as his mirror. The master is not compelled to learn the language of the oppressed; the woman is compelled, though it does her no good, to learn the language of the master, she merely learns a language that always puts her in the wrong. "

Huh.

for those of you who keep up with this sort of thing: i'm (again) looking for a place to live in two months. unreal. the place i had first leased with is no longer available to me (landlord won't even speak to me, or i'm afraid to speak to him, since last we spoke it was him angry and me shuffling my feet), the second place i was going to live in i have just been informed is also no longer available to me (roomate says, sorry, i got a better deal. we hadn't signed anything, so, you're going to have to find somewhere else to live). so i'm back on the streets, peeking in house windows, looking for a "for rent" sign any and everywhere.

your intention please.

i love animal crackers.