okay. i lied. i lie and i lied. the cat walked right past me. there was no gate and i did not stop to lean on it. i wish there was a gate and i had leaned on it. the cat walked right past me, right past my imagined gate and i believe it settled on someone's front steps but i'm not sure because i walked right past it.

what is true is that i did think it was silly looking and timely. i did notice it. the stopping only happened in my imagination and if i'm not careful in one week's time i would actually believe that i stopped at a gate that doesn't exist and watched the cat lick itself.

which complicates things immensely. because if the problem is i don't know what to say about things, i must attempt to remedy that problem with pure fabrication.

which means i must lie daily. mostly without knowing it or paying any attention to it. i went to the store to get muffins becomes i went to the store to get muffins and they had only blueberry. or i went to the store to get muffins and got cornbread instead. or i went to the store to get cornbread when in fact i went to the store to get muffins.

you see the problem? of course, these are small things that may or may not give a little color to one's day, but i still feel tainted somehow.

let me tell you true things. i do not promise they will be interesting but i do promise they will be true.

i got new shampoo for $1.99 at the whole foods and for the first time in my life outside of a salon have supersoft hair. i am in love. my house is very very clean. i forgot which book i'm teaching this week and started preparing notes for the wrong book. i kind of like soy. my mom is sad. i can be very annoyed and smile like i am completely happy and understanding. i don't like this about myself. i want to start lying now. i'm uncomfortable. it is 2:34 p.m. and 42 degrees farenheit.