délire de negation. delirium of negation. one woman believes herself to be dead, a result of the rotted state of her internal organs. anther woman believes her right arm to be missing. a man tells his doctor that his body is altogether gone, all that remains is his voice in this world. he is, he believes, immortal. some claim to smell their own rotting flesh, others feel worms crawling through their skin. also called cotard's syndome. aetiology unknown.

i wish there was a reverse cotard's syndrome, wherein a dead person refused to acknowledge their death. of course, that would require brain function, which, as a dead person, they would not have -- in which case, they would be right and not dead at all.

we are such funny creatures. i wonder sometimes if i were to wake up and look in the mirror and see a goat or an ant or a five year old child staring back at me, if my first thought would be, oh, i must have a tumor or brain swelling, or if i would just accept what i see and go about my day trying to reconcile my new self with what i remember to be my old self. if i would try to go to school, hoping that no one tried to milk me on the way, or step on me with their boot, or kidnap me and hold me for ransom. my guess is the latter, not so much because it seems the rational thing, but it seems the most common reaction from people with a tumor or brain swelling. we believe what we see, we always have. today, then, i woke up and saw myself, sheet line across my forehead, slightly swelled mouth, half shut eyes, and said, yes, yes, this is you this is me we are the same, the world is just as it should be, just ignore the elephants belly dancing in the shower. everything is fine.