it has come to my attention that arizona has rats the size of cats that hang from trees. a prarie dog, bitten by a rat, becomes infected with unique african pox. in turn infects human being. 18 confirmed cases on the west coast. now called monkey pox. monkey pox. they should call it rat pox.

"Yesterday I woke up swallowing
A rat. Or trying to swallow
A rat. Some things are too large
To intend gracefully."

so she says. I went swimming today. I thought: swimming! it's like jogging in water! which i guess it might be but jogging just don't hurt like that. and if jogging kicks your ass you can walk. sadly, walking a lap in the pool just ain't acceptable. and i know lifeguards are probably a good thing, but today they just felt like witnesses to my drenched humiliation.

speaking of witnesses, all ye readers be mine. by end of june, i will swim 6 laps and/or 30 minutes in the pool. by the end of summer, I will swim ten laps and/or 45 minutes. an hour would rule but i'm going to be reasonable. add to that regular in-house-tv stretching (it's how one justifies watching oprah in the afternoon -- with deep breathing and cat stretches) and weights and jogging.

if i fail, you are all authorized to come after me with big sticks.