in the shower this morning (oh, there she goes, tell me about being a bird, tell me some observation about water and the world), i did not observe anything about water or soap or tile or purity or any such thing. instead, i felt like i always feel and that is like someone is standing directly behind me. someone not naked. someone not naked and unhappy. i have felt like this my whole life. a life of showers and so many have been spent staring at the wall, waiting for some kind of materialization.

i would like to state for the record that i have never seen psycho. and i'm not afraid of someone coming at me with a knife. it's more that someone is in the shower with me. strangely enough i do not feel this way while taking a bath. baths are lovely and lonely and often smell like flowers. baths do not have invisible strangers stalking me.

oh dear. i have to run and get ice cream now. it is very sunny and very warm and ice cream it is then.